this book felt like looking in a mirror

 intro

I picked the buddha and the borderline cause i didn’t wanna read another clean perfect story about mental health. I wanted something that actually feels like it. Kiera van gelder’s story is messy and loud and too real sometimes. She writes about living with borderline personality disorder and trying to rebuild her life with dbt, buddhism and love. I’m writing this like a blog cause that’s how i actually think. I don’t wanna sound academic. I just wanna be honest.

 

Summary

The book follows Kiera through everything falling apart and trying to put herself back together again. She talks about addiction, bad relationships, therapy, self hate, and learning how to be alone without going crazy. She starts using dbt skills like mindfulness and emotion regulation, and slowly she starts seeing herself better. It’s not clean or inspiring every second. It’s just real. Reading it felt like sitting inside her head while she tried to calm the chaos.

 

Connection to class and research

In cyc 324 we talked about how bpd usually starts from trauma or unstable attachment. Reading this made that make sense. The way Kiera was scared to be left, the mood swings, the black or white thinking, all of that fits what we learned.

I kept thinking about trauma informed care and how behavior is communication. Every time she lost it, it wasn’t cause she wanted attention, it was cause she was scared. That hit me. Sometimes the people who seem the hardest to help are the ones who are just trying to feel safe.

DBT t comes up a lot in the book. Mindfulness, distress tolerance, learning to not react right away. It reminded me that when i work with youth i can’t fix their emotions, but i can be the person who helps them feel safe while they ride it out.

 

Professional critique

As a professional read, i actually liked that it’s not neat or “motivational”. It’s just her being honest. Therapy is ugly sometimes and she didn’t hide that. I kinda wish she explained dbt more but maybe that’s not what the book was for. It made me think about how i wanna work. I’d rather be real with people than act like healing is easy.

 

 

Personal impact

This book hit deep. I have bpd too. I know that feeling when someone leaves and your whole world cracks. The anger that comes out of nowhere. The sadness that turns into rage. I’ve been there. I used to be on meds and I honestly thought I’d never feel normal.

Reading her made me remember how far i came. Being in a healthy relationship changed my brain. It showed me what calm actually feels like. What love without chaos feels like. I didn’t think I’d ever get there.

As a future cyc worker I’ll remember how this felt. When a kid pushes me away or acts out, I’ll know what it means underneath. I’ll try to be the calm i needed when i was younger.

 

Conclusion

The buddha and the borderline showed me that healing is messy but still worth it. Sometimes it’s just crying less or breathing before reacting. That’s still progress. In this job i wanna bring that same energy. To remind people they aren’t too much and they can still be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References (apa 7th edition)

Van gelder, k. (2010). The buddha and the borderline: my recovery from borderline personality disorder through dialectical behavior therapy, buddhism, and online dating. New harbinger publications.